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I was excited to be presented with a flock of beautiful and sincere men, from which I would then have to make the heart-rending choice of only one. Instead, I felt like a piece of fruit, thrown into a sty of pigs.

Within a month of using the apps, I realized that being black might not be so easy here , and I interpreted my landlord's comment about me not being an "average immigrant" to mean, "You're not average, negro. Despite all of this, I managed to maintain the hope that somehow someone would actually ask me out for a meal instead of just a hookup.

By the third month, I noticed I was apparently an object. It was not because I was young or any of the personal qualities I came to harshly evaluate after weeks of questioning what was wrong with me. So I decided to give these hookup apps a chance, in order to do some research on whether these men who had been so kind as to share their dearest fantasies of me would also actually be interested in going out for a meal or, furthermore, embarking on an actual relationship.

Interestingly, when I asked, I was immediately dismissed and blocked by the "pretty boys"; the other guys who were interested in meeting me responded pretty much by saying I wasn't their type, while the other handful who were actually up for meeting for a date were mostly over 50 years old or immigrants.

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In my experience, the European gay community that I encountered was interested in having me help them fulfill the fantasies they'd created based solely on the color of my skin, but they were completely opposed to the idea of a date or a relationship. As plain as it was, I still found it hard to label these blatant acts as racism, since the people committing them were likely doing so unintentionally.

I began questioning every aspect of my being: Am I too gay?

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Am I too young? Am I not attractive enough? For weeks, I was convinced that I was the problem. Until one evening, after finally being asked out on a date by a man, my date stood me up, saying he wasn't able to come.

His reason was that he was afraid. When I asked him to honestly tell me why he felt threatened, it all led back to my being black. That was my a-ha moment — there was absolutely nothing wrong with me. Changes to Software. Savage Code, LLC reserves the right to modify or discontinue, temporarily or permanently, the Software or any service to which it connects, with or without notice and without liability to you.

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