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Are you a big boy with muscle? Are you a total chub? The bear community, Lopez explained, like all subcommunities, is not immune to negativity. While it has been a refuge for almost every person I interviewed, it's also come with its own weird set of expectations about who you can date, whatever size you have to be.

How does a very fat gay man find love? - Quora

Many respondents told Mic that the bear community was a surprising, welcoming refuge from spaces that might have been less friendly to their weight. But, many also said that there are very few sexual or romantic depictions of big men. Who are the visibly gay, overweight men out there? Though each talented in their own right, none were ever explicitly sexual or sexualized. Diaz said that this lack of visibility of husky gay men has had an immediate mental impact on him, a person whose weight has fluctuated throughout the years.

While the date went well enough in person, when he went back home, the man messaged him with a simple offer: If you need a fitness instructor, let me know. Diaz is currently in a relationship where he says his partner loves him at his current size. But during his single years, the bars were often unwelcoming to people of his size, he said. Diaz also said he's found refuge in the bear scene. But when he does enter mainstream spaces, he often has to arm himself with his own personal mantra.

His secret? He learned about his body as a straight man: He dated women until he was There was a pervading culture of slim body worship that turned him off. Now, it's not the elephant in the room anymore. So I really felt like I was being made love to for who I was entirely and for more than just my sexual organs. To really make love to someone is to enjoy every single inch of them.

Raul Quintero spoke to me about what happens when the search for that feeling of being appreciated for your size can go to extremes. Quintero spent a few months in gainer and feeder culture, where men worship men with big bellies, and some go to extremes to gain weight. Quintero has seen videos of men eating lard and funneling gallons of milk into their partners' guts — because of a sexual attraction to bellies.

He met men who brought him to restaurants just to share in the experience of watching him eat.

With one man, Quintero made a list of restaurants where he wanted to eat in Los Angeles and his date would bring him there and watch him eat. Even within that world, Quintero said, there was pressure to look a certain way and he had been turned down for not being large enough. Comments from his family members, even his own mother, who is a fitness instructor, fueled this fear.

This led to a fear of being fat in childhood. Romeo, on ecstasy, after winning the lottery and discovering they were immortal. Cap's chiseled body, perfect ass, was a picture of muscular exertion and glistening sweat, as he drove, rammed, pushed, thrust, hurled all of his pointed strength into not just penetrating Bucky but driving home his thrilled adoration. To Bucky's credit and mass, that man was alive and present to every pump, every kiss though even in the dimly lit room, due to Bucky's layers, one had to more of imagine the Wendy's single, double, triple width, girth and the length of Cap's aim with his trusty shield, meat into buns ratio than actually see it.

I left that room, explored another room, came back and Cap had Bucky in a spectacular missionary, then doggy, then side saddle, then cowgirl, then reverse cowgirl, then.. I kid you not.. Their energy and verve had set off the room into a bacchanal of groans and flesh clapping, slapping, flapping, squishing, moshing, mushing cacophony under-girded by squishing, sloshing and splashing sounds.

With all Cap's churning, I couldn't believe Bucky's butt wasn't butter by then.

I was barely inside the humid, sweat, lit from the swirling ceiling fan, room when I heard another sound. A sound the rotund and their admirers were ignoring.

Does It Get Better for Gay Guys Who Happen to Be Overweight?

The wooden floor, creaking I did a quick head count and some mass math. No one was doing this kind of evaluation I realized as the room trembled. Throbbed, really. Have you ever been on a wooden dance floor and stopped dancing and felt the other people moving the floor? Have you ever been in a bedroom of a fourth floor apartment I slowly backed out of the room, after watching in fascination, and frankly, anticipation of wood cracking.

I went to the relative safety of the kitchen, had a drink and a plate of food. I tell you this to set up the answer to the question.

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A gentleman to his new love! He then leaned over to help fasten, yank free, more yardage for Bucky who had trouble moving in the Toyota Celica's front seat. They suddenly kissed passionately for minutes, then tenderly, and when they separated there was adoration on Cap's face, he was smitten, besotted.

Fat and Fabulous: Walking In My Shoes

And Bucky was smiling like a lottery winner. I was standing maybe ten feet away at the corner watching this love blossom. If one of them ain't dead, they're still together. I'd bet my right toe on it. I submit that many smart chiseled gay men go home to fluffy fluffers more often than other chiseled men. A smart Alpha wants someone who appreciates him, not a waist size. My dear boy you do need to get out and about. There is something just for you called chubby chasers and yes, they do exist. And while I'm nowhere near his size it's flattering that I'm probably considered anorexic by comparison.

I started to wear more casual and masculine clothes—no more crop tops. I also stopped dyeing my hair. But now I realized that it was such a stupid decision. I have heard all the insults— fat, chubby, ugly. It hurt, actually. There were times in which I challenged them to meet me so they could say that shit to my face. But they just blocked me every time.

I pitied them in a way, but also I pitied myself for even wasting my time texting them back. I was desperate. I was 19 and still a virgin.

The Body Is Not an Apology

At that time, I let anyone fuck me because I thought I wasn't worthy of having a cute boyfriend. For some time, it worked. But years passed and I felt depressed, and even suicidal. I hated my thighs, I hated my chest, I hated my feet, everything.